Sabtu, Mei 30, 2009

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was
flipping channels.
She asked, ' What ' s on TV? '
I said: ' Dust. '
And then the fight started...

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our
upcoming anniversary.
She said, ' I want something shiny that goes from 0 to
150 in about 3 seconds. '
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I
take her someplace expensive...
So, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office
to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the
counter asked me for my driver ' s license to verify my
age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very
sorry, but I would have to go home and come back
The woman said, ' Unbutton your shirt ' . So I opened my
shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ' That
silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me ' and
she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office.
She said, ' You should have dropped your pants. You
might have gotten disability, too. '
And then the fight started...

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high
school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady
swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, ' Do you know her? '
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split
up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been
sober since. '
'My God! ' says my wife, ' who would think a person
could go on celebrating that long? '
And then the fight started...

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some
reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom
mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says
to her husband, ' I feel horrible; I look old, fat and
ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment. '
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near
And then the fight started...

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller
Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at
night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started...
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look
big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore
And then the fight started...

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise
came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and
yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked
jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the
ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as
fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the
bedroom and screamed at the woman, ' I AM your
husband! '
The woman yelled back, ' Yeah, then why were you
running? '
And then the fight started...

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made
my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into
the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to
back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the
garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and
slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife ' s back, now with a different anticipation, and
whispered, ' The weather out there is terrible. '
My loving wife of 10 years replied, ' Can you believe
my stupid husband is out fishing in that? '
And then the fight started...

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our
anniversary? "
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that ' s when the fight started...

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and
said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that ' s when the fight started....

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